The Greatest Love Letter Ever Written

So far I've introduced Mathematics, Assignments that I wish I could have written, and Philosophy as blog sections where I shall post one article every month for the next 11 months. For the last section, I wanted to let myself a little loose and dedicate a section to Romance with a capital R.

In this section, I shall talk about things that move me. And I shall do so in the only way that I know how - romantically. I have always been a Romantic - in my relationships, friendships, at work. And as you can imagine, it has caused me more harm than pleasure, externally, more often than not. I still do it, don't get me wrong, but with a slightly more cautious approach. This section shall not have any of that caution in it.

This week, I want to speak about the greatest love letter ever written in the history of the written word, at least for my money. As you might have guessed, I am talking about De Profundis, which is Latin for 'from the depths'. De Profundis is a 50,000 word letter written by our very own Oscar Wilde, writing to his "friend" Lord Alfred Douglas, a.k.a. Bosie. The reason I've referred to Bosie as Oscar's "friend" is because in the entire letter, Oscar Wilde refers to Alfred only as a friend. It is a love letter, make no mistake, but Oscar even signs off as 'Your affectionate friend'. Mostly because at that time, there was no such thing as 'being' homosexual. You just loved people, some of them happened to be of the same gender.

The letter is as heartbreaking as it is beautiful. The greatest compliment that an artist can hope for is when the reader detaches the artist from the body of work and starts seeing himself as the characters. I have been Oscar way too many times in my life - utterly Romantic, naive, hopeful, and stupid. But I have also been Bosie - extremely toxic, selfish, and an absolute asshole.

Now, I had read De profundis a while back and it did move me in all the ways that art can move you. But the thing that compelled me to write about this was a 6 hour long reading of it by this performance artist called Neil Bartlett. It baffles me that something like this is available for free on the internet and it just has 56,000 views.

This performance takes place in her Majesty's prison, in Reading, where Oscar was imprisoned. The audience was made up of 200 people who were about to witness something special. The setting was simple - Mr.Bartlett is sitting on a throne like chair, there is a small glass of water filled to 2/3rd of its capacity, a couple of handkerchiefs to help him wipe his tears off of his eyes (He does break down quite often during the reading of the text, as one would), and a copy of De Profundis printed out, spiral bound, in front of him.

Mr. Bartlett takes a deep breath and after uttering the words, 'From her Majesty's Prison, Reading' goes on to read the letter from the beginning to the end in a little over 6 hours and 12 minutes. Without taking a break, except for the few seconds where he would weep and try to get himself back, he keeps reading. Magic.

If you think this is a small feat, try to read out loud, sitting in one place, for even 20 minutes. But forget the physical aspect of it all, to be reading this magnificent letter- the one which strips concepts like love, art, Christ, faith to its bare bones and gives us the freedom to make of it what we would, to be reading this letter- in which our dear Oscar is so terribly harsh on himself, and to see him find hope in the deepest of pits, to be reading this letter- where it becomes obvious a few pages or minutes in that Oscar is still very much in love with the person who abused him, destroyed his life, was a direct contributor to helping Oscar end up in prison. For 6 hours, to be reading this letter, this could have been done only by someone who loves Oscar as much as Oscar loved Bosie.

Mr. Bartlett ends the performance by clutching Oscar's picture in his hands as if he wants to protect Oscar. And you can see without a shred of doubt what this performance took from him.

Now, I can't do what Neil Bartlett did. But I can write, or at least I think I can. So I shall write you a letter, my beloved Oscar.

Dear Oscar,

How have you been? I imagine wherever you are, you are happy. Happy with the art that you are creating, happy with the love that you getting and giving, happy that you lived your life the way you did.

I wonder a lot, why do people stay in abusive relationships? And these are people that are quite cerebral. Some, like yourself, might even have a once in a generation brain on their shoulders. Yet, they are incapable of seeing through the abuse hurled towards them. I guess, because it is the ones closest to you that can abuse you the most, and if a person who is intimate with you is the one abusing you, they don't need to hurl anything; They just need to drip feed you that one hurtful thing sandwiched between two beautiful things, to the point where you don't recognise that you are being played with.

Is that what happened with you and Bosie? I can tell you it has happened to me a couple of times. And abuse might be a tad harsh, but it was there on the spectrum. Just like you, I hold myself responsible for letting anyone treat me the way they did. My therapist tells me self destruction is just a way for us to stay in the familiar zone of pain, and hurt. Do you know what therapists are? Did you have them in the late 1800s? I think not. Is that why the art from that era is so timeless and profound? The only outlet you had, I guess, was creative or violent. I have my reservations with this line of thought, truth be told. I do believe some of the greatest pieces of art ever created had a certain overwhelming pain underlying them, but I don't believe great art can be created only if one is suffering.

I say this because it has been a year to this day since I have gradually stopped suffering, and in this year I've set myself up to create more than I'd ever had before. I need to believe that this link between suffering and art is merely co-incidental and that the Bayesian way of thinking would back me up in saying that it isn't the rule.

I wouldn't want you to feel worried. I am doing well. Your letter to Bosie, as much as it broke my heart, made me see so many things that I had done which were cruel, misguided, toxic, selfish; So many things that happened to me that were full of compassion, full of understanding, pure, selfless. After reading your letter, I was able to see that to forgive others for what they had done to me, or be grateful for what they had done for me - I had to first forgive myself for what I did to others, and let others to do me.

I wish I had the way with words as you do, dear Oscar. I wish you were alive so that I could tell you that I love you. I wish you didn't have to suffer as much as you did. I wish.

Your affectionate friend,

Shrikant

Here are some quotes from the letter, to give you a flavour of what moved me to write this:

The supreme vice is shallowness.

Behind Joy and Laughter there may be a temperament, coarse, hard and callous. But behind Sorrow there is always Sorrow. Pain, unlike Pleasure, wears no mask.

Most people are other people.

When you are alone, you'd take your mask off, for breathing purposes or you would be stifled.

Truth, indeed is a thing which is most painful to listen to, and most painful to utter.

A sentimentalist is simply one who wants to have the luxury of an emotion without paying for it.

We think we can have our emotions for nothing. We cannot. Even the finest and most self-sacrificing emotions have to be paid for.

The sentimentalist is always a cynic at heart. Indeed, sentimentality is merely the bank holiday of cynicism.

We call ours a utilitarian age, and we do not know the uses of any single thing.

Every one is worthy of love, except him who thinks that he is. Love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling.

- Oscar Wilde, De Profundis

If you liked what you read, and you want to read more - I publish new content every week - check out last week's blogpost where I day dream about assignments I never got to write at college. Do consider signing up - this will ensure you never miss a new blogpost.

Hope you have a good weekend!